Many Many Thanks

It has been 24 days, and we are slowly trying to face each day with hope. Each day is filled with memories, with what if's or why didn't I's... our hearts are still hurting, but we are trying to find some peace...

My Nana told me that Josh's friends were going to the cemetary every day to visit him.. I wish I could go, it is hard being so far away. However, I hope they know, as I do, that he is not there, that is just his resting place.

I take comfort in other things now, when the wind blows, it is Josh telling me hi... when the rain slowly falls, it is Josh letting me know he is here... .I see him in many different aspects, and it comforts my heart.

I feel sad that I have not talked to him yet.. I can't start that conversation, because... well, to be honest, that would be admitting that I am talking to the air and not to his living, breathing body. I will though. I know he knows I am missing him.

Do you ever get that feeling, you know.. when you are down, and sad.. you just get that feeling of "ok, this is going to be ok".. every day, EVERY DAY, when I drive to and from work, I can't help but get sad.. it is my only alone time each day... and I get sad and cry alot.. and it never fails, at some point I feel a peace.. I firmly believe that is one of your prayers for us.. I know that we are so blessed to have so many people who continue to pray for our family, and I just want you to know, that we feel it.. I know that sounds silly to some, but I really REALLY feel that peace.

I know that one day, the sadness will slowly fade.. it won't go away, but it won't be so harsh.. I just ask that you all bear with us.. I know I have not been as good with keeping up with the emails, and I really apologize... I really do appreciate all your friendship.

When I get down, there are a few pictures that I look at to bring me peace. I have yet to upload any pictures of Josh, but I will.. trust me, i will get some on here.. I just have not done it yet.

Here are some that make me smile:

The worst week of my life

On Sunday night, at about 8 30, my world fell apart. My nana called and asked to speak to Jett. I knew something was wrong. My brother Josh, was in a jet skiing accident, and they could not find him.

So many thoughts rushed into my head.. this is a joke, I waited to0 late, maybe he swam to the shore, I waited too late, there is still hope, I waited too late. Jett called the airline and got Krista and I tickets to fly out at 6 am on Monday morning. We did not sleep at all. We got our stuff packed and flew home. All the way to Lubbock, we were scared to check our messages because we were afraid to find out that they found him.

Darla and David drove from Dallas where they were at due to Darla's knee surgery. They picked us up and we drove to FS. We got home and nana was still out at the lake. We could not believe they had not found him. We drove out to the lake and saw the divers.. we saw our family sitting under the tree just waiting. I saw my mom for the first time in 7 years. We were able to hold on to each other and cry for Josh. We watched the boats all day long.. then the divers called off the search for the night due to losing daylight.


Tuesday we went out bright and early. The divers dove for probably about two to three hours before they called off the search due to the wind being so bad. We are from an amazing community. We had about four boats out there and a lot of volunteers looking for him. They did not find him that night.

Jett flew into Lubbock that night. He picked up Dar and David's boat and pulled it to Ft. Sumner. I was so glad to see him... I needed him to be strong for me.

On Wednesday, which was my birthday, we went up to Aunt Molly and Uncle Cliffords and were talking. I decided that I wanted to have a prayer vigil that night out at the lake. So at about 10 am, I called about five or six of the local businesses and had them handwrite a sign letting people know about it. At 6PM that night, (which was the time Josh went under) we had 150 people praying. It was AWESOME. The prayers were sincere, the pleas to let us find Josh..... while we were praying, 600 yards away, right where he went down, he came up. The park rangers found him.. they were able to pull him from the water and take him away from us. They sent a decoy boat so we would not know. Our prayers were answered. I truly believe that Josh wanted us to all pull together, he wanted everyone to lend us strength because while finding him was a great relief, it also meant that it was true, that he was gone.

We found out that Josh had been on the water all day with some friends of his. He wore his life vest all day. He was trying to do a 360 on the jet ski and could not land it. So as they were packing up to go for the day, he decided to try one more time. His friends heard the jet ski fire up and off Josh went, with out his vest. This is where we get so many different accounts of what happened. I got to the point where I did not care really what happened, I just know he is gone. There was no foul play, all the witnesses agreed on that. The autopsy said there was no trauma.. he just drowned.

The funeral was beautiful. The church was packed. The family walked in to Johnny Cash, I walk the Line... because that was Josh's favorite song. Yes, that is not your normal song, but as soon as the music started, we had to chuckle, then of course the tears started to flow. When I saw his friends, Travis, Derek, Mikey, Jason, Greg, John, I could just go on and on.. when I saw them and saw the hurt in their eyes, I was heartbroken... when I saw the casket, I fell apart.. I never thought that I would be seeing that.. I should NOT have been seeing that.

Derek and his friends got some of the motorcycle gang together to ride escort to the cemetary.. again, when those hogs fired up, I had to smile.. I said "You know Josh is up there laughing at us.. you got all of us over here crying at the church and then, across the streets, there are the rebels!"

Josh's friends did not want the backhoe to fill in the dirt... they all shoveled and covered their best friend up.

It was the worst week of my life.

We have so many people to thank. Of course, the searchers.... they did not give up... the Lake Fire and Rescue, the American Legion, the families who live at the lake...

PeePaws youngest brother Larry and his wife Sherilyn came in from Oklahoma. They were so awesome.. They helped with Colton, they helped with all the meals, they just did all the little things that we could not focus on... I cannot tell you how much it meant that they were there with us the whole week, being strong when we fell apart...

On my Dad's side of the family, we had amazing support as well. For the first time in who knows how long, all five of Granny's kids came in and all but one grandson was here (Jeremy is in college in Oregon, I know he would have been here if he could have).

My mom and dad are handling this fairly well. They both are so hearbroken. Josh loved them both and they loved him also. Being from a divorce is so tough.. there are so many ways you are pulled.. I take comfort in talking to Josh's friends that he had a relationship with both sides of the family.... even though some don't believe it, it is very true.

I just have to things to ask of you.. (1) please wear your life vests when you are on the lake... and (2) hug your loved ones, let them know how special they are. Call up your brother / sister and just tell them you love them.. call your mom and dad and check up on them, those cousins you have not seen in ages, call them. Don't let a tragedy be the thing that brings you together...

Josh's obituary is on www.chavezfuneralhome.com

I will post some pictures soon.

For all of you who sent your wellwishes, please know that I am going to be sending you an email / letter soon. I just need some time to process this.

Please continue to pray for us.. for the family and also for the friends. We are all grieving in different ways, but it is still grieving... help us to be strong and help us to heal.
Love
Shauna